How To Not Be So Fucking Annoying: An Instruction Manual

How To Not Be So Fucking Annoying: An Instruction Manual

@g…..ia: I need an instruction manual “How To Not Be So Fucking Annoying”

↶ @cliffordgenece: Talk less to people who don't appreciate you  

Seems simple. People who love and appreciate you don’t get tired of you — maybe? Or they do, and tell you upfront, and you agree, and you go on timeout. I’ve accepted a long time ago that there are certain personality types I can only take in doses. Instead of them going on timeout, I take initiative and put myself on timeout.

I think about how annoying I used to be — it was due to me being excessively pedantic and sarcastic. I also have a strong personality when I want and some people get offended when you combine those three during conversations. I was always talking (Did you know that ... ?) and pointing ("Look at him over there crying") and questioning ( "Who told you that makes sense?") and correcting ("Na, that's wrong"} and sarcasticing ("That's a great idea, tell me more"). My brain was always on fire and I just had to talk my shit. I saw their faces wench, their eyes roll, and their eyes bulge, but I didn’t care. I cared about me and expressing me.

Part of me considers it was possibly due to a feeling of being "alone." I didn't fit into any group 100 percent. I was easily fluid, friendly, and accepted between everyone — but no one group was truly home. My only response was to be myself and keep doing that until I found a group where "myself" fit completely.

As the years went by and I found more select people I could relate to, it became the game of knowing who to have what conversations with. When you talk the language of your audience they are all too willing to stay engaged and talk as long as needed. But the minute you bring up a subject matter that the audience doesn’t care about, you get backlash and become "annoying" (imagine going to a Trump rally and bringing up "Black Lives Matter; no one's trying to hear that shit).

I ended up learning to talk less and less to everyone as a whole versus more and more to people who mattered to me and my interests. There are friends I can text everyday for full days and have conversations about everything and anything going on in life and we will never annoy each other because we respect the genuine role we play in each other’s life. Then there are friends who I do a 10 minute text catch-up with and won't reach out to or hear from for months on end. No hard feelings, no disinterest, and no lessened love — that's just what it is. 

I learned that appreciation is about valuing another person’s existence as they are, but also understanding your role in their life. Some relationships are based on a need for an open channel of communication. There is a mutual understanding that each other's opinions matter, whether 4am or 4pm. Random thoughts challenge each other. They invite the capacity to imagine, and the ability to grow, not only individually, but in the role you both play in each other's life. Their well-being excites you. Their success is your vicarious success. 

These are rare people. These are the people who will put up with you through it all. These are the people who you’ll be sitting next to in a rocking chair when you’re eighty years old, drinking a beer, smoking a bowl, and talking about how bad kids are these days and how back in your day .... These people who appreciate you, whether daily or monthly, are the ones who define love. And that’s what it’s all about.

So talk. Talk as much as you want until your throat is sore. I sometimes tell stories that last a half hour without taking a break. I can do that because my audience allows me. I know them and they know me. I appreciate them and they appreciate me. No annoyance, just good energy.

Being told you're annoying invalidates who you are at the moment. It's something that should have ended in High School. No one's forcing you to stay around each other.

We Don't Take Care Of Our Own; But They Do

We Don't Take Care Of Our Own; But They Do

Forgive Yourself

Forgive Yourself

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