And I Ain't Too Proud To Tell You...
We tend to forget: as we get older, all the older people in our life get old too; age is a very egocentric experience.
As I aged from 10 to 28, I never thought about my grandfather aging from 81 to 99. As I aged from 1-30, my mother aged from 36 to 66.
"Happy Birthday" is a celebration to their birth, never an acknowledgment to the proximity of the advanced physical and psychological issues that come with old age. I'm a realist (pessimist).
We forget that the people we develop bonds with have family members, and they too will experience that pain. That message, "My father passed away," is heavy. "My mother needs surgery." "I don't think he's/she's going to make out." We feel for these people.
The proximity of death causes us to reflect on our lives. Our decisions. Our choices. Our next steps. Our current place in life. Egocentric.
Life is long. Don't ever listen when someone says it's short.
From the outside life looks short. There are few people you've known since birth that you have the opportunity to experience life with from start to end.
Most people catch their parent's about one-third into their life, leaving only two-thirds to experience with them. Once you see someone old, you tend to only remember them being old. Life seems short.
Even parents, having kids in their early 30's, if they pass away around 90, they're missing a large part of their child's life.
A message came through earlier. Death had occurred. I knew there was pain resonating.
I couldn't say "I'm sorry to hear that." It never feels right.
"How are you feeling?"
"How is your mother holding up?
"When is the funeral?"
I rather ask questions.
He told me he was crying and needed to stop.
"Step outside and cry all you need to man."
Why do we always think it's wrong to cry?
Crying is freedom. It is relaxing, soothing, nourishing, and necessary.
Life is long. Life is hard. Life is a burden.
Crying is one of the few pure natural experiences life offers. Regardless of the reason.
Life is exhausting.
When's the last time you had a nice hearty cry? A cry so deep and powerful your legs couldn't keep your upper body centered.
I think people cry often, but do so in solitude; ashamed to let others see and terrified to ever talk about it. I wish more people were comfortable admitting it.
If I cry in a room all alone and no one is around to hear it, does it really happen?
Life is exhausting.
People can easily talk about crying in a joking manner in some instances.
Mostly involving relationship breakups, because laughter mixed with tears brings slight relief. So we think.
I wish I was there to console my friend while he cried.
Last night my spirit felt heavy and exhausted from life. Something was up.
Today as I received this news, I thought about last night.
Energy. Love. Travels distances.
I know everything.
When something doesn't feel right with someone you love, you sense it. You know it. You may not always know the who, but the Universe tells you "prepare."
I always feel it. I always know it. But it never makes the blow easier.
Life is exhausting.
When I visit New York, I always attempt to make a trip to visit my biological father's grave. I feel free crying there. Cemeteries allow this. But the more I go, the less effective it is.
My grandfather was buried in the same cemetery as him two years ago. Now I have two graves to visit and twice as much the opportunity to release. Egocentric.
I've had people break down and cry on my shoulder. In my teenage years I had no idea how to respond. But I learned. And once I learned I understood the power.
Sometimes I go in the shower and cry. Sometimes I take a walk. Sometimes I lie on the bed with headphones on and let tears flow while Yokko Kanno and the Seatbelts entice serenity: love, pain, joy, and hope. It cleanses my rage and amplifies my joys.
Crying is as soothing as a drinking a beer. As relaxing as a long hug. It's what you make of it.
Life is exhausting. Be upset. Be happy. Be hurt. Be tired. Be free.
The reason you cry can be your private business. Everyone doesn't need to know that truth. Not every thought and emotion needs to be shared. But admitting to crying? There is no shame.